$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
