Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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