Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
That's when you crack a 10am beer
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
