So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
