the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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