What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize