The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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