i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize