First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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