that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
