Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
