Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
