I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
