Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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