Where did you get a picture of my penis
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
