put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
