Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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