My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
