omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
