Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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