I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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