she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
