Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize