And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He kissed a someone with a penis
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
