the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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