So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
