You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
