i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
