She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
