So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
