So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
