When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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