Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It's shark week go big or go home
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
