I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
