i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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