I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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