I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
