I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
