I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize