I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
