Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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