dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
