I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
