All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
