We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
