i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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