just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
