This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
