Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize