come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
