mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
