I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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