mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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