so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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