I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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