First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
