I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
