this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
