I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize