I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
