So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I've blown a few things in my day
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
