You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
