She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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