I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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