Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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