My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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