Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize