Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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