i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
